This is not the way that I want to see the world. In fear of the political system, in hatred for the people who don’t see things as I do, in shame that I have never been able to make any great positive change in society, in grief that I can never find a way to help. I guess I have no idea how the world works.
But I know how I work. I know when I am compassionate and loving and open and fearless then my life fills with joy. I see clouds outside the window of the plane and I am forever connected to the eons of humans who were never able to see the clouds. I am connected to a majesty and magnificence in the moment. My eyes fill with the deep red light on the top of the cloud bank. I see for all those who never saw, and for those who have yet to see.
I just don’t fear death any more. Something is going to get me. Years of dieting, years of smoking, years of stressing out, years of depression, my genetic makeup, my dad dying at 54, my inability to deal with stress, my DNA, my bacterial map, cancer and heart disease in the family. Nuclear energy and the fallibility of the human race, strange viruses my immune system can’t handle, the screwing with our food and water sources, the end of the EPA. The fingers on the buttons. Floods, famine, fire, maybe the pinhole leak in my gas stove will do me in before my landlord replaces the oven. Maybe the tsunami, maybe the earthquake, maybe the car accident, maybe something will fall on me from high above. I’ll trip as I am walking in the forest. A crocodile will grab me, a shark or a bear. Nature will rear its frightening head when I’m not looking. Maybe someone will decide that in their reality, they need to kill someone and I am that sacrifice: two years ago, a woman my age, who looked just like me, was killed in my neighborhood by a totally random psychopath. I’m not ruling it out. Maybe the government will decide that the freedom and joy that I feel in every moment of every day is dangerous in some way. I am assassinated, snuffed out, forgotten on the side of the road.
I think I will lie down and imagine that I am dying, experience it as the Maharishi did when he achieved enlightenment, but instead, my body will go along for the ride. I will die. Gone. I will experience the afterlife that the Tibetans wrote of; I will see the different levels of light and the cyclone of sparks that is not even the last stage of the end. Maybe I will end up in a place of absolute darkness. Maybe I will end up at the pearly gates. Maybe I will end up pushing a rock up a hill for eternity. Maybe I will view my life and the web of thought and action and possibility and the way that each movement of mine affected everything in the giant cosmic web of all realities. Maybe I will just become a star. Maybe I will explode into bliss.
When I look at the clouds, imagining death, I just feel happy. When I drop into the heart, I am neutral to the outcome, whatever it may be and however it comes. No matter what pain it took to get here, when I look at it from here I see what a beautiful, amazing, gorgeous life this has been. I have seen bliss and I have felt love so profound that I couldn’t breathe. I feel my heart expand. I fall deeper and send this feeling into the atmosphere of the airplane.
I heard from people who said they were unhappy with my decision to march on Washington, and I loved them so much. I want to say, think to yourself: what has living in cynicism, fear and anger done for me? Think of all of those concepts that we accept: that we need to fight for what’s ours, that people are motivated by greed and self-serving only, that there is a very clear Us vs. Them. How is this way of being creating my reality? What if happiness is a decision we make?
I just spent a week with my mentor, a great love in my life, a woman who has pointed the way to my most open-hearted experiences. She showed me how to let go of the fear and the shame and the concepts. When you are afraid, follow the train of fear out to the end, out until the worst-case scenario, out to those last words: “…and then I die!” What a freedom this is. What a freedom to let go of fear. “… And then I die.” Okay, well, it had to happen some time.
I am going to accept that you will believe what you want to believe and I’m going to say, you are right. I don’t know anything. I don’t know what is best for people, except that I know in my soul that compassion and empathy and love is what makes my whole body sing. It’s what makes my life beautiful and I love to believe that each person can find this beauty. It’s what makes me look at the sky and the clouds and the trees and the earth and think, this is all here for me and there is no me. We are all living light of God. This moment you see is the dream you are dreaming. Let go of the fear! Let go of the hate! Let go of the blind acceptance of people who speak only of separatism and hate and fear and realize, you can run, but you can’t hide. We are all here together, and we have all, in the future, or in the past or in some great cosmic understanding of no-time, come out the other side and found that it is all one vibration of love. I am a hippie and I am unknowing, but I can tell you that if I were to fall through this bank of clouds and through the red sunshine on the horizon my last thoughts would be of love. We are all together in this one karma. It’s you and me, together forever. I’ll love you forever. No matter what pain comes, this love will carry me through.
Donald Trump, I love you and I feel so much compassion when I see your miserable expression, when I imagine the pain you feel, holding on so tightly to your vision of self. Last night, I dreamed I was gathering every spiritual leader on the planet and we were riding an elevator up to speak with you, to surround you in unconditional love that would clear your vision and show you the way to infinite peace and joyful purpose. It has happened in our world before. Why can’t someone fall into the bliss of enlightenment in one pure moment? This is our reality. I refuse to be afraid to imagine it, or to speak it out loud. I refuse to be afraid of sounding crazy. Why can’t we imagine that surrounding someone with absolute love can change the world?
You know what? 1000 years from now we won’t even speak the same language that we are speaking now. We will have moved on and this time will be a tiny blip in the universe that we see from our perches on high. If you want to live in hate so be it. The love and hate we feel now, when viewed from another galaxy, is nothing, It is just a light in a web of stars. Your molecules have swum with Bach’s molecules, with the molecules of every being who has ever existed. We are an energy that is called joy.
Sing with joy. Sing with compassion. Sing with the love that is the energy of the universe and sing with my heart forever as I fall through the clouds and feel our one true soul. Search for one moment when we die and become a single star in the sky that lights the night. I love you and I hope that you find this feeling of bliss, this feeling that will fill you up and end you and your funny, striving, agonized ego. What are you afraid of, what are you hating, how different are we really? If I come to you in pain and misery will you help me? Will you do unto me as I would do unto you? Will you pay tribute to Jesus Christ and Buddha and Muhammad and Krishna and all the enlightened beings by being an enlightened being? Will you love me unconditionally? Will you fall into unconditional love? Can we all do it together? What would happen if we found this place together? Can you feel me loving you?
You can hear me read this here: https://soundcloud.com/clemthegreat/yet-another-plea-for-love