Summertime in the Higgs Field

Finally, the Summer fog is in. I didn’t mind the hot weather too much the last few weeks, but these dampened gray mornings suit me better. In the afternoon yesterday, the pug and I headed to the big park and when we laid flat on the grass we could feel the warmth of the sun and avoid the cool wind pushing the clouds back across the city from the sea.

Summer has always been my least favorite season. For me, it is the gloomy season. I have never gotten to the bottom of this pattern of thought. I think it has something to do with missing being in school as a child. Being bored, missing the social interaction of the classroom and the stimulation of learning. When I put myself back there long ago, I lie in my still room feeling the incessant breath of the air conditioner, listening to the mosquito buzz of a lawn mower or a plane chopping through the sky. Everyone elsewhere, everyone gone. It is a weight on my soul, the certain knowledge that humanity splashes gloriously in the warm sunshine as I sit in a prison of tedium. read more

The Dream of Fish

Often, I feel like a broken record. In these blogs, I feel as if I’m starting to repeat myself. For instance, I use the same metaphor all the time, but it’s the best way to say it, at least that I’ve found so far. When I change perspective, I see my thoughts as a river, rushing slightly above my head. If I am able to sink underneath them, in meditation or other quiet moments, then I sit in still awareness until a thought throws down a hook, and like a fish I rise to the surface and engage with the thought. Maybe it is of something that will come in the future, maybe something that has happened in the past. Whatever it is, when the hook comes down, I leave this present moment and speed down that river as if there is nothing below, no peace. read more

The View from Lyon Street

Today, my walk takes me across Vallejo Street to the Lyon Street Steps. When I get close to the edge of the Presidio there, the scent of the Eucalyptus overwhelms me and I am filled with an old feeling of home. In one of the backyards of my childhood, big silver-dollar trees littered the patio with their dusty discs, and the smell was like this, with a little more menthol to them. It is a primary California scent for me, and here at the end of the street a whole forest waves the fragrance past the buttercream mansions and the immaculate vista. It is a warm, cloudless day, and the water of the Bay is a blue sky on which islands float. I come first upon a hummingbird, sipping from the pink and white salvia. I am an arms-length away, and he is lost in a dream of nectar, so I get close-up to his chubby body, his glittering copper head, and his impossibly iridescent green belly. read more

From the Five Percent of Thought

In the park. We lie for a while in a respectable manner. The pug is obsessed with other picnics and I finally get tired of his wanderings and begging for more treats, and we get up and ramble around the park. He snaps at a Huskie in the dog run area, so we take our business to the top of the park, where the big trees moan and squeak. There is a configuration of several branches that the wind sets to crying every time I am at the top of this hill; the white eucalyptus branches must be rubbed raw by now in this frictional embrace. Still, they seem to shriek with joy. read more

Capturing Sunlight and the God in You

I think every time I stop midway along the drive from Seattle to San Francisco after a weekend of shows, “Here Comes the Sun” plays in the hotel restaurant.

I drive about 7 or 8 hours, stay in Oregon. I always pick a hotel with a restaurant. I drop the girls off for their morning flights and drive until about 5PM. Today, I lucked out on a last-minute booking at a hotel that gave me a room with a hot tub. Badass. I have several germaphobic friends who eschew any hotel room bathing, but I choose to trust that people generally do their jobs well and thoughtfully and give these things a good scrubbing between travel-worn bodies. I don’t have a good bathtub in my apartment, so any opportunity, I’m in. After four shows this weekend, hot stages, lots of driving and goofy sleep, there was no way I wasn’t getting in that tub. read more